:(

Everything that happened yesterday has been just so shocking...I'm just so crushed because it feels like everything I've known for the last near decade was not real...you have nothing to do with me and you don't know I exist but I think I understand what betrayal and disillusionment feels like.

How could he be so stupid..how could he do this...ppl say he's beyond redemption and all that and I agree what was done was very wrong indeed but I think it's a bit unfair that he's dragged so black with everyone else who did so much worse and labelled the same. Doing nothing is really bad yes, yet we talk so much and complain so much, you should have done this, you should have stopped this but in reality how many people would say anything?

Just watched it, commented something like all my other male friends would have done in their chats that I never want to know about because we all know exactly what it's like, it's the same everywhere...my friends, my colleagues...these groups do exist. It would be unforgivable to spread and blackmail but I bet he saw it, did what was done in that moment and never thought about it again.

Reflect and disappear for a while yes but being ostracized for life is a bit sad...and so so wasteful because not many could write like him...and the others...it's a taint on their life too forever if they are innocent (which I hope and pray that they are)...I don't even know if there will be a 4 anymore when they all return.

It feels surreal that things will never be the same again...I'll never have the chance to see you again and I don't know if i want to..I'm grateful for all the happiness and laughter that was contributed by you but I kind of hate you too for what you've done and the sorry end you brought to everyone else...you're supposed defy all odds and walk down the path for many years yet as a team ...you all promised and this will never ever happen anymore..

The fact that you came forward still means there is a conscience...so I can't bring myself to erase you completely like the others...being a bystander is stupid and mean but it doesn't mean there's no turning back ...Live well and be sorry for the rest of your life...I hope and think that you are...because I certainly am.