I need redemption...

I don't know how I'm going to pull myself out of this rut my life seems to have become. I feel like I did work hard but nothing went the way it was supposed to go..Oct 17 was just a really really bad day where everything went wrong. I have to make up for it and I don't know whether I can do it, I stress and stress about this every semester, isn't university supposed to be fun...no I just keep counting and counting, what mark do I need to get to get this grade and maintain that stellar GPA that everyone seems to get effortlessly and yet I can't seem to do it even though I work hard and worry worry worry the entire semester and I don't know why

And the feeling of not being happy all the time, I don't know why I'm not happy...I don't have meaningful connections with anyone, no close group of friends here like what I used to have , and all this just makes me sad every time I see them here or the people back home and what they have. I have lots of friends yes but no one I would tell my secrets too, no one to share troubles with and the person whom I thought was my meaningful connection is suddenly too wrapped up in her own life to care or even listen when I try to talk to her...what happened to we live so close, we should see each other often, no such thing, I invite and invite her to everything that's happening and she turns me down every single time...I haven't seen her in 3 weeks and only one street separates us, she doesn't even take the initiative to contact me to go out for a meal or anything, so I don't see why I should keep doing all the work

I really need redemption, too much bottling up of feelings can kill you but who to turn to, who to tell, who will understand...this is not depression, I know it's not because I can still function, I'm not suicidal but I'm just not happy and I haven't been in a long time...

I need to be stronger, my troubles are so petty, so many people out there suffer so much more but they can still be happy

In this big big world called life, probably you and only you can save yourself, ultimately you and only you will care about yourself

everything is so idealistic until you experience it and bam everything hurts and you're kind of by yourself to pick up the pieces








I guess I feel slightly better now